dear brothers and sisters

shorter days again.

2009-09-14T12:27:00.003-04:00

much has been keeping me busy lately, with preparing for second storie's upcoming indie market from both sides...
as it gets a bit cooler here i will be enjoying the process of creating, warm tea in hand, hopefully being able to steal away for an autumn walk or two...

what dear sisters shall do...

2009-08-24T19:21:00.004-04:00

(sis and i have been quietly working on something together. this tiny peek is all i will give, for now.)

thirty years and counting

2009-08-21T03:43:00.003-04:00

peace amidst a whole wonderful mess of interruptions

2009-08-20T10:30:00.000-04:00

every time i sit at this ancient, slow machine my patience wanes as i check my email etc., and i can't sit long enough even to write a quick post about the fabulous soup h.m. spent 24 hours+ making, or the wonderfully crafty adventure i'm embarking on with dear old sis, or all the engaging books i'm reading that have set my internal dialogue into overdrive, or how i can't wait to finish the sweater i'm knitting out of the most luscious kid mohair, or how finally watching the movie Into the Wild has left me terribly twisted up inside, even days later, but it's okay because Mamma Mia! will be on again soon.
so my oh my.
but on this day, with this peaceful morning spent getting some work done, i seem to be in synch with the chaos and interruptions.
good day.
k

living and enjoying

2009-07-08T08:45:00.000-04:00

i've been performing some wonderful feats of escape lately... from what am i trying to get away? the answer changes daily, and the success is varied. maybe overall i'm just trying to escape from the looming sense that i want a better idea of what's going to happen than i really have.
where does this idea that i need to know how it all works out even come from? surely my logic tells me that no one knows, that we're all floundering. and if we're all in the same state of disarray, grasping for something safe, then we're all just as easily in the same perfect state of calm, sure footing abound.
there must be some comfort in this? scratch that. there is much comfort in this.
it is humans who love company, not misery. and i have loved my company of late.
k

it is so so late.. but it was a good visit.

2009-06-05T01:54:00.001-04:00

"how to embrace everything all of life?!-maybe we both just need bigger arms..."

indeed.
a good night to you (n.), and to you all.

a gift from the ants?

2009-05-31T18:00:00.004-04:00

i spent most of this day moving more of my things to and from... i'm finding myself more at home in the new place, as my favorite things are slowly making the journey. it has been lovely to watch for h.m's reaction to the new things arriving daily; a lamp or two here, a cupboard of tea there. mostly he gives me a satisfied nod and smile, recognizing that this space was lacking without my things.
a more troublesome adjustment has been with the ants who have found their way up to this fifth of floors, through the bedroom, along the living room wall and into the kitchen. and back. they have surprised (and fascinated) me in their determination, and i have surprised myself in my ruthlessness.

on a much more bizarre and heretofore unexplained note (hee hee. note), a fifty dollar bill appeared on our bedroom floor last night. neither h.m. nor i can remember the last time we even had a fifty dollar bill, let alone one that would have gone un-missed to then turn up now, completely out of nowhere. it is mystery that has sparked guy ritchie-esque schemes in my imagination, with hookers, maitre d's, and money hidden in drop-ceiling tiles... though as a believer in accam's razor, i should be more convinced that it was left as a peace offering from the ants.
i will take it as such, and terminate the poisoning.
and tonight, h.m. and i will enjoy the dinner-and-movie date that is long overdue... with our new $50.
k

good grey mornings

2009-05-27T10:01:00.004-04:00

the earthy smell coming off the river this morning mixed with the traffic exhaust and overcast skies brings me straight back to the many field trips of my school days... i can virtually smell the rubber and vinyl of the school bus mixing with the smell of "the city". galleries, museums, institutions. or a tug-boat ride down the erie canal, perhaps? low bridge, everybody down.
the act of moving has brought about the ritual cleansing; the overwhelming and gratifying process of evaluating my Stuff, donating what i don't need, re-organizing the rest. i am able to take my time and therefore enjoy the process a bit. (but, the surface has merely been scratched; let's hope the enjoyment remains to the end). i need this. i have much to let go of. i know i am not alone.
this new space is truly lovely. the old dirty brick warehouses that surround me are comfortable and cozy and the river beckons for a walk. this will soon be home, and i am looking forward to sharing the process.
k.

away a while

2009-05-26T09:58:00.004-04:00

i have gotten lost amidst a whirlwind of change, of new things, of saying goodbye to old things... of just living life, i suppose. maybe soon i will carry on a bit more about this detail or that, but today i want just to clean these cobwebs away, to rid myself of that subtle itch of a non-existent hair across my arm.

and to share some of the delight i've been taking in the bounty of fresh produce. a lovely, solitary breakfast of blueberries with vanilla yogurt and grape nuts. a hearty dinner of potato and celery soup, shared with great company. the dust storm has not settled, but but i am finding moments of peace.
soon, k.

perfection

2009-04-01T16:10:00.004-04:00

i gave myself a small bit of my afternoon to get lost in blogland...
my favorite find is yoran morvant's newest line at ashes and milk.

a simple sneeze, a simple bid of good health...

2009-03-06T22:43:00.008-05:00

for two solid months, i have been in pain. it started as an annoyance that gave me the perspective to rethink my movements. it progressed to a constant debilitating presence that kept me uncharacteristically inactive. it's latest stage has left me always on the verge of tears, filled with more worry than i will admit to anyone, at the very edge of patience. and this is speaking not a thing of the physicality of such endured agony. no break. no relief. no rest. no end. no life.
i sneezed.
i broke.
i thought my spine cracked. it was blinding, splitting, almost paralyzing.
the next day i was able.
to walk, leap, dance, live, exist... like normal.
i am still able.
and so i shall remain.
k
(above is a lovely gift from a patient sister. see more lovelies here. i am grateful.)

a slow morning with rumpled sheets

2009-03-01T13:01:00.005-05:00

finally time together.
a bit of radio. a bit of laughter. a bit of breakfast.
a perfect beginning.

filled to the brim with tea

2009-02-26T09:31:00.004-05:00

i was happy yesterday to visit with my dear friend who knew exactly what i needed... warm brownies, warm tea, warm ollie kisses, and warm friendship. delightfully cheery daffodils were a pleasant surprise.
thank you, shanna.
k.

the night of escape.

2009-02-20T23:23:00.007-05:00

i am looking forward to watching the academy awards this evening. it is a guilty pleasure to watch the pomp and circumstance of it all. i'll be donning my most comfortable pajamas for the affair, while snacking on a super-addicting homemade version of kettle corn:

1/3c unpopped popcorn
4tbsp canola (or whatever) oil
1tsp vanilla extract
~2 tbsp sugar (for the sweeter tooth, a little more won't hurt)
in a heavy saucepot (or stovetop popcorn cooker) mix all ingredients and cook, covered, over medium heat until popcorn is popped, stirring, or swirling, regularly. immediately pour onto a cookie sheet to sprinkle with salt, and cool. in a few minutes it'll be cool enough to break up and enjoy.

i hope you enjoy the escape to hollywood as well...
k

soldier on, soldier on

2009-02-20T21:13:00.003-05:00

thank you. i wrote the last post with a head less level than usual. i fear i've worried a few friends more than this condition warrants. i'm fixable. but frustrated. (though, i feel that the simple act of venting a little has let me now return to a calmer place. this calmness could also be attributed to the hesitant success of the new medicine, which is keeping the swelling, and thusly the pain, at a tolerable level. time, two weeks perhaps, will tell).

after a late dinner of hearty, wintry greens with mushrooms and pasta, i'm full, settled, and trying to keep an upwards and forwards facing head. h.m. will be finally home. for good. in a few days. i'm looking forward to getting to know us together again, anew; he's been away a while.
i, too, have been getting to know well a noble beast, among other animal collective... new music is a tea warm and soothing to my cool, wintered self.
i am usually very antsy for the coming spring by now, and if i give in to the distant thoughts of the smell of warm air, the fresh earthy green stems poking out of the ground, and the chilly, blanket-wrapped evenings on a porch, i will surely be pining... but, one look outside tonight at the beautiful fresh snowfall, i am back to a contented end of winter. i'm enjoying this still.

a happy weekend to you all.
k.

too many two weeks...

2009-02-18T10:23:00.004-05:00

photos courtesy of wikipedia

i'm trying to maintain a respectable, mature level of patience. i'm trying to find some comfort with an uncomfortable body. i'm trying to not get my hopes up with each doctor's visit. each time, i'm told to try ____* and come back in two weeks. i'm beginning to wonder if i'm effectively expressing just how debilitating this is; i don't get the impression my doctors are taking me seriously. i'm in tears each night, from sheer frustration and pain. but, it's not life-threatening (just quality-of-life-threatening.), so two more weeks it is.

the health care industry is in existence for one reason (admittedly with many others underlying), and that is to help people. was i naively optimistic in thinking that this would supercede the insurance red tape, the fear of committing to the wrong diagnosis, and the appearance of indifference?
it is so hard for me to have such cynicism, but i know it's born of frustration, and is quite temporary. perhaps it will be gone in two weeks.

k.

*first it was an NSAID and physical therapy. now it's a steriod and more physical therapy.

my kindered art spirit

2009-02-17T19:40:00.005-05:00

top photos by: David Stewart
bottom photo by: Rose DiSalvo

my wonderfully good friend, nick (the beautifully backlit boy above) puts on operas. i'm astounded by their talent. and their ability to take a room, a parachute, and a spectacular group of musicians, and put on a humblingly-incredible show.
in about a month, opera cabal will be having a benefit. i cannot wait to go to a swanky manhattan high-rise apartment for what is sure to be a great party. nick tells epic tales of these parties. (which is actually more telling of nick than of these parties.) they will be hosting an auction of various arty goods and services, among them a new knit clutch i've been thinking about. hopefully.
i'm looking forward to a long weekend in new york... i will surely be able to walk around and enjoy the city a bit. it's been far far too long since i've been.

(i have high hopes for tomorrow.) a happy day to you all.
k

against my better judgement (and that of those who know)

2009-02-12T16:12:00.003-05:00

i should not have gone into work; it all could've waited until tomorrow.
(but i did and now tomorrow might be a little less.)
i should not have gone to the shoe store; i knew i'd have better luck online.
(but i did and now i know what size to order.)
i should not have baked cookies; i don't really care about valentine's day.
(but i did and now i have a delicious treat to bring h.m. when i visit on saturday.)
i should have sat down today; i know my body needs to rest.
(but i didn't and now my body is allowing no more.)

a day

2009-02-08T13:53:00.001-05:00

he naps. i clean.
i type. he naps.
he naps. i nap.

happy sunday!
k

maintaining

2009-02-01T13:34:00.004-05:00

today i've been spending some time maintaining this online space of mine, and catching up on some of my regular reads that i've been missing lately. i've also discovered a few new ones that i'm very excited to keep up with.
it is a warm day (yes, i do consider 41º warm right now), and the ice is dripping in the most meditative of patterns...

i am not a football fan, and know very little about the game, but i, too, along with so many, will be watching the superbowl this evening, gorging on too many snacks and dips... enjoy!
k
ps. a SUPER big thanks to emily shearing for writing a such a great article about second storie. it ran in this past saturday's democrat and chronicle, and we're touched by her kind words.

winter continues

2009-01-29T10:11:00.008-05:00

it has been a pretty average week, with little of note happening. the stormy, snowy weather of rochester in january has kept me inside and cozy.

i made this bag on sunday afternoon. i'm shocked that a gal with little sewing experience and no clue what she's doing could pull this off so successfully. i love love love it!
i then stole away to buffalo for a perfectly uneventful evening with h.m. i've been to visit him there more than a few times now over the past few months and i've really enjoyed the solitary, hour drive. peaceful and quiet. (and the bed in his hotel is SUPER comfortable. i sleep like a rock.)
today i'm looking forward to making (and eating) delectable chocolate peanut butter cupcakes for my brother-in-law's 35th birthday. with a hearty corn chowder for dinner and then a few snacks with second storie, i will surely go to sleep warm, full, and happy tonight.
next week is shaping up to be a little more eventful, with the beautiful losers evening on thursday, and then my friend's clothing swap party (brilliant!) on saturday... i'm looking forward to some new friends and some new clothes.

another week

2009-01-22T14:36:00.003-05:00

i've wanted to make this blog more than a once-a-week place for me, but i seem to let too many other things grab my attention first...
{this week it's been a few pieces for some new and on-the-way babies. above is my favorite (so far), the sunday brunch jacket, knit with the baby cashmere merino silk blend, and corresponding pattern from my new favorite, and aptly-named yarn company, sublime.}
...i like this space. i like the way it feels to share when i otherwise wouldn't. i like the intimacy i feel with others i've never met. i haven't been here long, but i enjoy this cozy niche... i hope to be here more.
k.

{on a sidenote i discovered this morning that this little buster is a huge fan of bob ross! he spent 30 full minutes captivated by the man's gentle voice and soothing brush strokes... i've never seen him so peacefully at attention.
happy painting, and god bless...}

mid-winter seclusion

2009-01-15T12:34:00.005-05:00

i've been in the midst of my typical winter behavior. i take my hibernation very seriously. i've been quite busy and productive, though, if not a little absent.
a dear old friend has just started grad school (hooray!) and i've taken a once-a-week spot watching her 2 year old daughter... this little maddy leaves me in giggles and in awe.
a few small knitting projects have my hands occupied, and i'm very excited for the finished products... maybe more to come on these in a day or two.
throughout my work day i've been trying to find my way with new responsibilites. it's been a challenge, and hopefully it's one in which i'm able to find comfort. some newly-more-severe back pain keeps me hyper-aware of how i move and what my limits are. it isn't easy for me to ask for help, especially with such simple asks as taking out the garbage, but immobility after doing it myself is an absurd consquence of stubborness.
i look forward each day to the late-night phone calls from my dear h.m. who's been working out of town for way too long. i am patient for the day when he comes back for more than one night every now and then.
otherwise, i am taking things slow and easy. it feels great. (although, i must admit, it also feels a little, just a little, empty... somewhat reminiscent of winter break home from college... boredom from no deadlines.)

stay warm and happy.
i will do the same.
karen

goodbye | hello

2009-01-01T12:44:00.003-05:00

a happy new year to all!

as i say goodbye to a pretty amazing year, i cannot help but look forward to another amazing year, full of possibilities and so, so many wonderful things...
i'm not usually one to make resolutions, but i find i'm more and more burdened with the parts of myself that i easily neglect... so.
i resolve to spend more time with people i like.
and i resolve to treat food (and subsequently myself) with more respect.

we shall see what comes... for now, i'm looking forward to an afternoon with a dear old friend, some hot tea, and some leftover birthday cake

coconuts and snow

2008-12-12T22:46:00.004-05:00

i'm not sure i'm in the holiday spirit quite yet, but the snow outside helps. it has been so beautiful. even as i type the flakes are fluttering about in the light from the street lamp outside my window.
what also helps is attending my friend's annual holiday cookie party tomorrow night. i'm excited to catch up with a few old friends, and to fill up on tasty treats. i'll be bringing coconut dream bars, a super easy recipe i nabbed from the martha stewart show. after making these and loving them, amy scherber's the sweeter side of amy's bread is now on my christmas list. the sweeter side of karen.
happy baking to you all.
k