Some bits of happiness.

We took our breakfast to go, and ate in the woods, among the birds and deer.
It was as lovely a way to say goodbye as there is.
Some sunflowers to cheer me up. I'm mesmerized by their spiral centers.
A clean house, a full pantry, wonderful friends, and a head full of ideas and patterns.
I think these next few months will go by quickly.
And happily.

It's Time!

We at Second Storie announced today our Vendor List for 2010's indie market, and we must say, we think it's pretty great!!!
Here's a look at some of our newest vendors, and you can check out the whole awesome list here.

Left to right from top:
Cecelia Hayes, Previously
Humunku, Sweetie Pie Press
Harriot Grace, Paperdoll Woodshop
The Great Lakes, Sara Silvio
Red Prairie Press, Bookhou

Getting By

As H.M. prepares to leave (for 2-3 months), I prepare to be alone in this space of ours. He will be back home in Israel, visiting with family, friends, and hoping for some respite from his blues here.* I hope for the same as I stay here.
I have been spending time in the kitchen. Baking bread, enjoying the meditation of kneading by hand. Using the last of the fresh cherries for a cinnamon-cherry tart, loving the dark stains left on my fingers.
Taking a break from the once-meditative-but-now-grueling baby blanket, I cabled up a sleeve for my new computer. It felt so good to work in thick yarn and marvel at the speed. Next up, some swatching for what I hope to be a new line of items for my etsy shop (what's that? I have an etsy shop? Why, yes, I do. I'd almost forgotten!) and for our second storie} indie market this year. (The announcement of our vendor list will be here tomorrow. It's pretty awesome.)

Today, with the sun and blue skies poking through the white fluffy clouds, I wonder if I will find my enthusiasm again. It's been missing lately. My head has been with me in the kitchen pitting cherries, and with my fingers as I knit, but my heart has been distant. A little hesitant.
Perhaps this is just the emotional equivalent of the calm before the storm. My emotions are still and quiet, knowing that soon there will be a fury of sadness when H.M. leaves.
Today, though, has promise, beginning with fresh bread, toasted with jam, and a cup of tea.


*I should mention that most of what he will be doing back in Israel is work-related, and that he's not going on a 2-3 month vacation without me. I need to keep reminding myself of this.

Grey morning, Bright afternoon

I woke up this morning to grey skies outside the window, and quietness inside. A slow, internal morning.
H.M. and I spent a long time together yesterday, laying in the grass, brushing the tickling ants off from our arms and feet, talking and dreaming about what's to come. We dream of land. Of a horse named Esteban. Of freshly lain eggs. Of fruit trees {and the consequent jars of jam} and an endless garden. Of mountains in the distance. Of a comforting, creaking old house, filled with love beyond the two of us... The more we have this talk, the more real it becomes.
{sigh}
Yet, here I am now, in my tall apartment above a small city, trying to figure out how and when my now and then will connect. And if.

This afternoon's mail brought a lovely, unexpected, and perfect package from a friend who always knows when I need a little sunshine and love. A little dose of reality. And the sun has begun to peak out from the grey clouds.

A little Monday post

My space is filled with intoxicating aromas...
Banana bread, a warm breeze from the river, H.M. home early from work, just-watered herbs, this small city settling into evening, the faint trace of soap transferred from my hands into my yarn as I knit a baby blanket.
It is good.
It is a signal to me that I might, for a time, be on the upswing of feeling sorry for myself. I've decided to put all of those big little things that have taken over me of late onto the back burner. Let it simmer there for a bit, while I focus on some sweeter things, like cinnamon walnut bread, and peanut butter granola bars.
Consider it a conscious turn of direction, towards happy.

After a long weekend.

I would love to be posting pictures along with this post. Pictures of my perfect day yesterday, walking through a creek, sitting and playing and laughing in the waterfalls. Pictures of some fireworks from Sunday night. Pictures of my life that I've been enjoying a bit more lately.
But, as I was frolicking and giggling in the waterfalls with my friend and her daughter, wishing I had grabbed my camera out of my totebag, someone else was doing just that: grabbing my camera out of my totebag.
Yes, I am mad. And sad. And full of fist-shaking disdain and brow-furrowing disappointment for those who have in them the thought to take advantage of such an opportunity.
But, more than all of that, I'm focused on how my friend, without thought, got her Nancy Drew on and ran off to try to catch the robbers. (And how earlier in the day, this same friend came to the rescue of an injured hiker, again, without hesitation.) And how I spent that time letting her daughter paint on me with mud, genuinely laughing, forgetting for a moment or two what was happening. And how Dear Old Sis reminded me that I've wanted to get a better camera anyways, and what a perfect time with my birthday not too far off. And how H.M. has a non-condescending way of reminding me that these things simply happen sometimes, and they can ruin your hour, but shouldn't ruin your day.
So, you who now has my camera, I hope you're enjoying all those pictures of my beautiful Sis, and of my happy weekend with friends and family, if only for a moment before you erase them and move on to take pictures of your own darker life. I will continue to be happy to know that when I am on a walk in the woods and see a totebag resting against a tree and hear laughter around the bend, my thoughts go to how good of a time the owner is having, and never to what I can take from it.
And I'm happy that my friends will always be there to bask in the brighter side with me.

Interim

I recently heard some delightful news of my childhood best friend. She's going to be a mother. Though we've really only kept in touch through our parents, I immediately started swatching ideas for a baby blanket. I've settled on a simple seed stitch with a ribbed border, in an oatmeal colored soy-based yarn. Classic.
I'm really looking forward to a few days of simple knitting, freeing my clogged mind for what's to come.
Happy Weekend!

An unsure day, full of sure things.

What is to come? I don't really want to know.
But I could use a little reassurance right now. Just a sneak peek at the future worth of my current patience.

But, instead of impatiently pining for the unknown, I will simply continue my day, continue deciding the simple things. I will make lemonade. I will organize the "to donate" pile of clothes. I will have tea this afternoon, with a movie and a pair of knitting needles. I will decide between artichoke ravioli and leftover Thai food for dinner.

I will stave off restlessness for one more day, knowing that it will all be okay, it just might take a while. I will be patient.