finding more than time

i find it very easy to push aside my knitting for what intends to be a short time while i work on the more pressing tasks of any given day, knowing that at the very least i can squeeze a few rows in during charlie rose before i go to sleep. but too often even that feels labored and forced for fear of guilt...
this is not right. i do not knit to not feel guilty for not knitting. i knit because i love the process. i love the making. i love the pattern. i love the knitting. it is mathematical and it is creative. it is what i am made for.
yet i push it aside with little hesitation. i easily take it for granted that i can push hold on this and be able to un-hold again later, picking right up where i've left it.
but it rarely works this smoothly.
i know i am not the only one who struggles with this balance. the ever-shifting fulcrum plagues us many. yet i feel so naked when my humanity shows.
k

oh holy trinity

i have a new-found love for the trinity stitch. the knitting of it is rhythmic and divine.
paired with sublime's organic merino wool, i can truly say that this is why i carry on.

yes we can!

this has been a week. of. i'm not sure i even have the right words for what this week has meant to me, to my friends, to my country. i have renewed faith in my homeland, and i feel weight lifting from my shoulders and from my heart. this weight, now, is proudly and ambitiously upon the shoulders of a capable leader. for the first time in many years (say, eight or so?) i feel the direct connection between my daily life, my personal turmoil and triumph, and the grander happenings of my government and my country. i've missed this connection. it feels right again.

maintaining intelligent optimism

i have been, as many, distracted so much by politics lately. more than the incessant campaign coverage, though, i've been delving into the econimic 'crisis' with heavy shoulders. i've long had a bad taste in my mouth over our bizarre economic system thriving on greed and solitary conquests. yet, i am a consumer. i have loans that i pay, i have a credit card, i am a part of what drives this economy... for better or, as it is now, for worse.
i was very taken with the jurriaan kamp's words in the latest issue of ode magazine:

"It’s interesting—and scary—to note how much creativity and intelligence has gone into making money with money instead of making money with new, meaningful goods and services. Maybe history will record the present bubble as the ultimate example of what greed may ruin."

there is hope. there is always hope. i'm just a little sad to see it buried so deeply in words that are usually brimming with it. i suppose that is just another testament to the 'worse' of it all.
k

stealing a little time for love...

the day started with my perfectly full and warm mug of coffee slipping out of my hands and onto the carpet and a string of curse words slipping out of my mouth and into the air.
so i took a long walk and focused on my footsteps as they mingled with the fallen leaves.
back at home, i was determined to make good use of the recently-picked apples, so i baked a pie. i overworked the crust, and it's a little tough.
in the midst of the day, the lovely begbie charmed me a little.
this evening i'm trying my hardest to feel cozy at this computer for a bit more work...
k

up and down, up and down

the family went apple picking today, and it was a perfect, perfect day for it... but for the apples being heavily damaged from what i can only assume was early-season hail. our bounty is, though, fair enough for a pie or two. i shall soon be digging for my grandmother's pie crust recipe that i have not quite memorized yet. perhaps tomorrow?
this evening, however, i am dedicating ravelry. i was told about it from an unlikely source as i sat at the swfm a few months ago, and as with most social-networking sites, i've little interest. so, for months i've been on ravelry, but have 0 friends, 0 projects, 0 favorites... you get the idea. but now, i find that's just silly... why am i so disinterested in a whole network of people like me, who've knitting on the brain all the time. (all the time, indeed. as i write i'm fading away and considering blowing off ravelry and curling up to gain some headway on a project or two).
we shall see. for now, an empty stomach beckons, and i have just the thing to fill it...
k

indeed, a good morning.

i don't have many words this morning. things are just as they should be. the crunching of the dry leaves underfoot, the clear sunny skies and warm air... i will not soon forget this feeling.
even as i search through bins of wool and evaluate their warmth as mittens in the cold of the coming winter, my mind is replaying golden leaves rain down as the sun warms our faces...
k.

a project just for me...

i hoard things... knitting things, to be more relevant. i hoard yarn that wonderful people have given me as gifts (one of my favorites is a beautiful auburn wool shorn from an australian alpaca named daniella. tra la la la la...). along with this yarn starsh, i've found that i also hoard ideas and patterns... and, tada, the two hoards go so well together! i, though, rarely allow myself to spend time knitting for myself, even a pair of socks... how quickly these gifts and ideas turn into dusty yarn skeins and chilly toes.
for at least a year i have been looking at this gorgeous little ball of oatmeal-grey wool my sister picked up for me somewhere in her travels... small, precious, and wanton of a purpose, i've dedicated this ball to a simple pair of fingerless mittens... and if i time myself well, i'll have them to wear to the market thursday as i sew more carrots with shanna in the beautiful autumn afternoon. i'm very happy to give myself this small gift...
i surely will still be devoting much of my time to second storie, and to a friend's walls that need paint (just in time for her housewarming party saturday night!), and to the debate tomorrow night, and surely to this new boy of mine, and to music sharing with a new friend...
yikes, will i actually have time to knit this project just for me? maybe i should stop the writing and start the working...